The Monk’s Prayer

 

Courtesy MertonCenter.org

 

I never cease to be amazed by what my brain refuses to release.

A few years ago, one of my simple pleasures was watching reruns of The West Wing. I had missed the original airing of the first several seasons because I was in college and had other things to do on Thursday nights — cram for tests and write papers, mostly. As the show shifted into syndication, I found it a welcome respite from studying for anatomy exams and so forth.

Up until the creator left in 2003, the series was exquisitely crafted. It had everything I could ask for: likable characters, gripping yet accessible storylines and intelligent writing. In short, it is the only TV drama I’ve ever watched certain I’d be engaged mentally, too.

I collect quotations.

My appreciation for words often manifests itself as a desire to snatch up every well-said truism that moves me.  Sometimes a phrase sends me to Google on a chase to find the source. About a month ago, I finally located the origin of a line from the episode “Posse Comitatus” which has rattled around in my head since the first time I saw it.

It turns out the work in question, “Thoughts in Solitude” by Thomas Merton, is paraphrased during the scene. As the President pines over a difficult decision, his chief of staff uses a mish-mash of lines three and four to drive a point home.

When I face challenges, I often look to the wisdom I’ve accumulated on my laptop.

The last six weeks have been a whirlwind, of sorts. I am blessed to have had life and meaning breathed into my faith for the first time. Simultaneously, I’ve endured some disappointments and been frustrated by confusion. In tough hours (and occasionally through tears), this writing has become more than a jewel in my treasure chest of enlightenment.

It has transformed into a prayer.

And, as I become more certain by the day of my role in this magnificent cosmos, I want to share with you something that helps me remember what we forget all too often:

God loves us.

There is no way to go through life without peaks or valleys. In the latter, when loneliness or doubts hang like a thick fog in your mind, it is hard to comforted by the knowledge He’s working on your behalf — believe me, I understand. Even now, as I step out into the world comprehending truths I’ve known since I was a child, I still feel strange trusting my heart. Maybe I always will.

Regardless of your beliefs, if you’re struggling, I hope you might find some relief in reading the poem below. Before you do, make every effort to remind yourself of this:

He is faithful and will deliver.

MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

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Deflect the Unexpected

Courtesy chgs.umn.edu

Few things are more frustrating than a situation turning out different than anticipated.

Something about making a transition produces a sort of hopeful naiveté, it seems. We move from one place to another and naturally assume the new situation will be better — it can’t possibly be worse, right?

In fact, one could argue nothing would happen if we weren’t temporarily blinded by the novelty of a fresh opportunity and the perception of greener grass.

Who would willingly jump from the frying pan to the fire?

Nobody.

Ever.

Humans are predominantly creatures of habit choosing to rest in the shade instead of venturing into the sunshine. For most of us, the moment to leap arrives when old comforts hurt more than new uncertainties. And, regardless of how ridiculous the notion, we jump believing we’ll land in a perfect paradise too pleasing to induce pain.

We forget there are challenges everywhere.

The circumstances are irrelevant.

Conflict is inevitable, whether involving ten people or two or one.

Tension is necessary to for growth.

Reaction is what matters.

I usually choose one of two paths in the aftermath of disappointment: validation or detachment.

When I elect to pursue the former, I search out every possible means of sympathy. I pass a lot of time and effort in crafting an airtight case, presenting my arguments to a jury of my peers and awaiting a guilty verdict for the offending party. The energy required is enormous.

Focusing on the latter means everything is resolved fast. I parse through both viewpoints with all due speed, find the chief differences, accept them as “merely X” or “simply Y” and shift rapidly to the next thing. I dissect the arguments, gather what is useful for the future and move on quickly.

The hard part is comprehending either side is blameless most of the time.

Previous experience suggested something and nobody thought there would be an issue. Fair judgment, colored by a lifetime of decisions, directs all of us to our own conclusions every moment of the day. Why be upset when one mental image ends up being different from another?

It isn’t them.

It isn’t us.

It just is.

It’s far more efficient to deflect the unexpected.

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Trait Success

Courtesy TheRealTimScott.com

Success has many components.

The afterglow of achievement has a tendency to captivate our attention. When the pay off arrives from long effort, it’s natural to relax and bask in the sunshine of victory.

Sometimes it leads to amnesia.

To put it plainly, I have a hard time remembering what I did leading up to an ideal outcome. It seems the hand I use to pat myself on the back is the same one I write with. Thus, the knowledge I’ve gained is often lost for the sake of self-congratulation.

Flipping through my memories, I’ve found three traits consistent do my best performances:

1. In practice
It’s often said success leaves clues, a trail carved by previous experience to guide future action. My results are inevitably linked to taking time to evaluate what could be used again — perhaps with a tweak or two — so I could avoid going about willy-nilly when the next opportunity arises.

2. Intuitive confidence
There are moments — and not nearly enough of them — when a decision is right even though I can’t explain why. Despite the fact I have lingering doubts, my mind is able to feed on the certainty instead of insecurity. The response is reflexive, as though my brain vomits up the answer while still being asked the question.

3. In joy
It seems as though elation is inextricably linked to accomplishment, which will come as a surprise to no one. Slipping into the gray area between work and play bends time and lightens loads. I find the challenge seems less than monstrous and the exertion far from taxing as the hours fly by.

Triumph can multiply fast if allowed to.

By considering what creates the good with the level of scrutiny I use to dissect the bad, I better position myself up for a streak of positive conclusions.

In this way, the value of attaining a goal lasts a long time.

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Structural Failure

 

Courtesy StorageMojo.com

 

Failure has many components.

There’s misguided assumptions, shaky confidence and spotty motivation. Sometimes we fall into poor environments or questionable industries.

If we can identify what leads us to falling short, we can avoid making the same mistakes again.

My life is marked by three primary situations which have made the good I might do vanish into thin air:

1. Inflexible thinking
Everybody finds inspiration in the tales of perseverance. The American legend swoons over hard-driving entrepreneurs bucking the system and doing exactly as they please to create a fortune. The rags-to-riches story is marked by instances of bravery in spite of everything pointing in the opposite direction.

What I didn’t understand is the story is less about banging my head against a wall until it breaks through than it is about adaptability. I was inflexible in my methods, my actions and my mindset— and I’ve repeated the same result over and over again.

Being open to other possibilities is the first big step towards new results.

2. Living reactive
Emergencies happen. Always. It is impossible to move through life without being caught off guard from time to time. When shifting unexpectedly, I’ve tended to spend more time playing catch up than grabbing the bull by the horns. My inability to quickly recover into a forward-thinking mentality cost me precious time sunk in doubt and self-pity.

The ability to go with the flow is very, very important. Spiraling out of control is far too easy.

3. Weak commitment
This is the hardest answer. I have to ask a tough question of the person who lies to me most–the one in the mirror. Honestly assessing whether I took the steps needed to make the desired result occur is incredibly difficult. It requires stark honesty. Plus, I have to brace myself for the possibility I don’t like the person answering the questions very much.

Getting to that point, though, opens the door to big changes and better outcomes.

Failure is only a problem if it’s the end of the story.

It can be fatal, if allowed.

If embraced as a learning opportunity, much can be taken into the next experience.

With the right attitude, it can be the foundation for a masterpiece.

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Comparison Dropper

Courtesy HowStuffWorks.com

How do you stack up?

Life today seems to become a constant stream of opportunities to drag your self-image up alongside someone else. It’s challenging enough to stand amongst other people and hold on to your value, then the internet, TV and movies heap more junk into the river of your consciousness and your fragile psyche struggles to keep from being swept away.

Your eyes, filled with pictures of questionable quality, trick your brain into pushing to exceed someone else’s “lofty standard.”

To compete is, without fail, to lose focus on yourself.

When you make another individual your measuring stick, you shift your concentration from your own talents and abilities to those of another. It is, in effect, to let go of yourself for the sake of somebody else — or your idea of them.

What someone else has becomes more important than what you have.

What another does is better than what you can do.

And, regardless of how you balance the equation, you’re always left wanting.

You end up worshipping at the altar of “If I could only be…” and your soul withers.

Forgetting everyone possesses certain gifts, you eliminate who you are by striving to be something you’re not — or can’t be.

You lose track of your own worth.

You deny your purpose.

You give up the richness of fulfilling it.

“I can never be like…” is the truth.

Stop trying.

Be you.

Express that.

Drop the comparison.

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The Law of Receptivity

The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

Courtesy Reconnections.net

What makes getting so difficult?

It should be an easy thing, accepting what someone gives us. Everything about it is simple: Person A passes something to Person B and both parties leave happy.

Why it such a problem for most of us?

In The Go-Giver, Pindar prompts Joe to remember the old adage “It is better to give than to receive,” then smashes it on the floor:

It’s not better to give than to receive. It’s insane to try to give and not receive.
Trying not to receive is not only foolish, it’s arrogant. When someone gives you a gift, what gives you the right to refuse it—to deny their right to give?
Receiving is the natural result of giving.

Objects and actions are meaningless without transfer from one to another. Though a rose would smell just as sweet if it had any other name, it is only a blossom until handed to a lover. The transaction’s symbolism allows a person to display affection, whether laying them on a headstone or offering them to an angry wife.

That which comes back to us — tangible or intangible — is a reflection of the importance someone else places on what we do.

Generosity is returned without fail, it is merely a matter of the seeds we have sown and the mind of the receiver. This is the central truth we have been building towards all week, but the question remains:

Why is the “natural result” such a challenge to accept?

The issue is solved by considering the corollary to the first law, “The receiver makes the determination.” In other words, the worth of whatever we do is in the eye of the beholder. Sharing our gifts often means we’ll come across some that trash them, some who are indifferent and — Surprise! — some that feel they are forever indebted.

We feel guilty when showered with thanks because we underestimate our actions.

We place our own conception of our contributions into the minds of those who overwhelm us with their gratitude — people who, ironically, think they’re unable to match what they got from us.

Even though I have read through this section more than twenty times, I still thought “I could have done better” when my students brought tears to my eyes with parting gifts.

How many times has “I didn’t do anything to deserve this” come to mind when presented with a token of appreciation?

Ignore it.

Acknowledge what they see.

Be thankful they are grateful.

Take what they give — to do anything else is rude.

This is the fifth in a five-part series discussing the core principles of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. If you’d like a preview of this wonderful book, download the first chapter here.

The Law of Authenticity

The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

Courtesy Advizory.com

“Be yourself” is a bewildering piece of advice.

“Well,” we think, “that can’t possibly be enough. How could anyone like the real me?”

Therein lies the problem: staring in the mental mirror and picking out all the flaws. Focused on popularity instead of purpose, we lose track of what we have to offer. Who we are gets buried under an avalanche of “should do” and “supposed to be.”

It is impossible to build profitable relationships — financially or spiritually — hiding behind a façade.

In The Go-Giver, Debra Davenport runs through a list of techniques pushed on her by well-meaning colleagues:

Well, let’s see . . . There was the Assumptive Close, the Bonus Close, the Concession Close, the Distraction Close, the Emotion Close, the Future Close, the Golden Bridge Close, the Humor Close, the IQ Close, the Jersey City Close, the Kill Clause Close, the Leveraged Asset Close, the Money’s-Not-Everything Close, the Now-or-Never Close, the Ownership Close, the Puppy Dog Close, the Quality Close, the Reversal Close, the Standing-Room-Only Close, the Takeaway Close, the Underpriced-Value Close, the Vanity Close, the Window-of-Opportunity Close, the Xaviera Hollander Close, Ya-Ya Sisterhood Close and Zsa Zsa Gabor Close!

And, after doing her best to follow them to the letter, she is unable to make a single sale. She got lost in the shuffle of applying superficial answers to deep questions.

This is easy to extrapolate into other areas, too. Has anyone ever made a real friend with those generic conversation starters about jobs, hometowns and family we all use?

The precious metal is tough to get to, far within all of us.

Authenticity, then, is ultimately about valuing what is deep down.

When we stop trying to impress people, we become vastly more impressive. Every one of us ties ourselves most readily to those whom we can identify with, people who expose their vulnerabilities and reflect our own by doing so.

How is that possible if we’re putting on a show?

Plus, on some level, we all figure out quickly what’s true about someone and they do the same in the opposite direction. As it turns out, we’re right most of the time. (Don’t believe me? Read Blink by Malcom Gladwell.)

People know when you’re trying to be something you’re not.

Why try?

Stripping away the layers of others’ expectations (or what we think they are) and revealing our truth is the purest form of giving. We become like a musician performing an original composition, bringing a higher level of energy because who we really are is on display.

Playing our song — the one only we can write — casts the shadow of our very essence further into the world.

Others may wish to sing along.

Better yet, they may be inspired to make their own symphony.

At the very least, they’ll probably understand us.

This is why it’s best to be genuine.

This is the fourth in a five-part series discussing the core principles of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. If you’d like a preview of this wonderful book, download the first chapter here.

The Law of Influence

Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

Courtesy darmano.typepad.com

We are selfish creatures.

We can’t help it.

Two thousand centuries of evolution have trained us to cooperate solely when we can benefit. The whole of human history is reliant upon this tendency to seek out a balanced exchange between “us” and “them.” It is why we formed tribes, built farms and eventually settled into towns.

Our lives are, in effect, ruled by a sort of social commerce.

We seek to receive proper payment for services rendered, whether in business or relationships. Though we don’t realize it, we’ve set up a system of scorekeeping tucked away in our collective subconscious built around the concept of fairness. Most of us do our best to make sure everybody wins, everywhere, every time.

In The Go-Giver, Sam Rosen explains how to counteract this mindset from his office at Liberty Life Insurance and Financial Services Company:

Watch out for the other guy. Watch out for his interests. Watch his back. Forget about fifty-fifty, son. Fifty-fifty’s a losing proposition. The only winning proposition is one hundred percent. Make your win about the other person, go after what he wants.

Life’s biggest winners give without a second thought.

Most of the time, this begins with a simple act: listening. If done correctly, we understand how we might help lighten another’s load. Lend a hand, share a resource — these are easy things that can have drastic effects in the lives we touch.

The incredible part of offering ourselves without hesitation is what it reminds us: we’re not alone.

Being considerate of another’s needs refreshes their memory of this truth. And, by offering support without concern for what we’re getting, the time will come when — since everyone innately wants to help those who help them — we will remember because someone else aids us.

To be open in this way — to share whatever possible — is to embrace the soul’s greatness.

As I’ve written before, “giving is living.”

Do for others and they will do for you.

This is the third in a five-part series discussing the core principles of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. If you’d like a preview of this wonderful book, download the first chapter here.

The Law of Compensation

Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

Courtesy AccurateResourceGroup.com

What anyone gets in life is “not just a question of their value. It’s a question of impact.”

The people who receive the most financially and spiritually find a way to touch as many lives as possible, simple as that. It could be argued worthiness is often made secondary in the early stages – for an individual or idea – if the publicity is broad enough. Of course, without a solid foundation, the enterprise folds like a house of cards. We have seen it time and again with movie stars, athletes and large corporations.

Most of us are uncomfortable with the attention created in becoming “known.” We wonder if the crown is too heavy for our heads. And, truth be told, most of us would tell a story like Nicole Martin, the CEO of Learning Systems for Children in The Go-Giver:

I was brought up with the belief that there are two types of people in the world. There are people who get rich, and there are people who do good. My belief system said you’re one or the other, you can’t be both.

In a sense, we’re afraid of what might happen – particularly who we might become – if our reach extended as far as our imagination. Ultimately, when it comes to giving, only one question is important:

How much good do you want to accomplish?

Picture for a moment you had a million dollars begging for a purpose. Would you donate it all to one charity or divide it amongst several worthy causes?

Personally, I’d come up with a list of organizations I’d like to support and rank them in tiers. The highest-level groups, like the chapter of the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition my aunt founded before she died, would get large chunks. As I moved along, I’d dole out smaller portions to others I’m less connected to.

Every little bit we give is important.

If we believe in our ability to contribute and put the force of our energy behind it, we’ve realized how crucial we are to this huge story – as everyone is, equally.

We  then shine our light as bright as possible.

Why not share it with all the people we can?

This is the second in a five-part series discussing the core principles of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. If you’d like a preview of this wonderful book, download the first chapter here.

The Law of Value

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.

Courtesy of DanKennedy.com

“Value” is a buzzword in our culture.

Over the years, the word has been twisted to fit the whims of pitchmen offering the latest gadget for “three easy payments.” Then, we’re told “Wait! There’s more!” to pull us closer in the hopes another toy of questionable use (An egg slicer…FREE!) will make buying even easier.

In going through The Go-Giver, we begin our examination of the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success by discussing the worth of…well, anything. As stated above, the aim is to give more than we take. How can we know if we do?

“The receiver makes the determination” might be added for clarity’s sake.

To put it another way, how much stuff you can pile into a box for $19.95 or the percentage off regular price is irrelevant. What matters is the imprint made on the individual’s memory. If they grumble every time the egg slicer slides to the front of the junk drawer, have we made a worthwhile impression?

As author Simon Sinek says, “Value is a feeling, not a calculation.” The “great deal” is merely a parlor trick if the recipient considers the package useless.

Giving more than expected goes beyond tangible objects, it is about the emotion created.

Ernesto Iafrate, the owner of a bustling cafe (and several restaurants, plus quite a bit of real estate) in The Go-Giver, explains it this way:

A bad restaurant tries to give just enough food and service, both in quantity and quality, to justify the money it takes from the customer. A good restaurant strives to give the, most quantity and quality for the money it takes.
But a great restaurant — ahh, a great restaurant strives to defy imagination! Its goal is to provide a higher quality of food and service than any amount of money could possibly pay for.

This is something everyone intuitively understands.

A few years ago, I visited Las Vegas for a conference. After several days sitting through hours of speakers and walking The Strip alone, I decided on dinner at Carnevino, Mario Batali’s offering in The Palazzo. From the moment I pulled up to the table, I was taken care of. The waiter, Geoffrey, and his staff filled my orders quickly, pairing a glass of wine with every course of the meal and ensuring each one followed the other seamlessly.

Days away from opening a business I’d spent more than a year working on, I was tired and stressed and lonely. For the hour or so I spent in the restaurant, all that washed away. I got to rest and enjoy a smattering of good conversation. In a strange way, I’d been invited to step out of my preoccupied mind and rejoin the social network called “humanity.”

When the check came, it was twice what I’ve paid for dinner on any date I’ve ever been on—and wholly worth it.

What we bring to someone’s life is the best measure of our work.

Almost all, at least 99.999%, of the transactions in this world occur without money changing hands. To focus on legal tender is to bend our minds around something inherently fleeting. Cash is cyclical, flowing to and from everyone in a constant stream.

Kindness and consideration ripple outward.

Service is a pursuit with exponential growth potential in more ways than we can count.

Inevitably, it flows back, too.

This is the first in a five-part series discussing the core principles of The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. If you’d like a preview of this wonderful book, download the first chapter here.