The Gift of Gratitude

Gratitude is a funny thing.

It seems we spend much of our lives searching for approval, hoping a demanding boss or selfish coworker will acknowledge our contribution to the larger cause.

When we seek it, we often walk away empty handed.

Fishing for compliments–beyond being uncouth–rarely yields more than a statement grumbled under annoyed breath. Those whom we feel owe us praise are always the last to give it (if it does happen) and mostly do so out of a sense of obligation, it appears.

Earnest thanks, regardless of source, pours nourishing sunshine on the meadows of our soul.

What’s amazing is how difficult we find the acceptance of such a wonderful, simple gift. Made uncomfortable by a shower of grateful expressions, we run for cover in the shelter of our own inadequacy. “I didn’t do anything to deserve this,” we think. “I didn’t do that good of a job.”

Why is it appreciation manages to make us squirm?

You have a right to harvest the fruit of your labor.

Be gracious and welcoming, you sowed the seed. However unexpected, reaping a reward is the natural result of quality work. Spread the wealth–tell others how they influenced the outcome.

I am still learning how to do this.

Last night, I stood in front of my Pathophysiology students as a lecturer for the last time. Ten of the thirteen women in the room sat in the same room on my first night as a professor. Next week is their exam and I’m leaving at the end of the quarter, so it was our final evening together.

As usual, a quiz signaled the start of class. Shortly thereafter, I received a bevy of parting gifts, including a load of my favorite candy bars and healthy snacks. To top everything off, they took the time to print and frame a certificate of excellence complete with handwritten notes on it from each woman.

A tribute of any kind, let alone one so heartfelt and thoughtful, touches a person beyond the bounds of words.

One of them happened upon a blog I wrote about three months ago, the most-viewed post I’ve ever written.

It is about them.

Somewhat surprised to see my musings have been found by those who have inspired–at least indirectly–a good chunk of what I’ve written, I decided to pull back the curtain and reveal a little more to them. I was unintentionally given the opportunity to recognize their place in my growth as an instructor and a person, to honor the role they have played in my life.

I took them on a quick and unrehearsed tour of my leadership philosophy and observations about life. In the end, I challenged them to lean on each other for support and step to the forefront of the program and the university as a whole–my unspoken goal for them from the beginning.

In closing, before we shared some laughs while passing through many memories, I shared with them a paraphrase of these words from Ralph Nader:

I start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

I am incredibly thankful to have opened the gift I wanted, to have witnessed the growth of those under my supervision.

It is about them.

It always was.

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John Wall, the transcendent talent at point guard leading the Kentucky Wildcats.

Every once in a while, a truly special player comes along.

There are extremely gifted athletes that step onto the stage of public awareness every season, in every sport. Their talent is unquestioned, their artistry undisputed. Rarely do you find one that is able to be bigger than the game itself. The highest echelon of basketball stardom is to be known by one name.

Larry. Magic. Michael. Kobe. Lebron.

While watching a SportsCenter highlight of  my beloved Kentucky Wildcats featuring John Wall throwing an alley-oop pass to Patrick Patterson, it struck me that the great ones make it easy for others to “just play.” Individual ability combined with a knack for putting teammates in good positions allows everyone around them to be better. Patterson was an immense talent before, yet is nearly a whole new player now.

Are you on that level?

One of the most underrated skills in life is leading. Many have positions with authority, but do they really lead? Do they understand the work necessary to comprehend the motivation of their “subordinates” or do they instead hammer their minions with an iron fist?

In order to direct others effectively, whether a thousand-man battalion or three-person team, you must do five simple things:

Create expectations
By outlining the specifics of your relationship from the beginning, you’ve created a strong foundation for future achievement. All parties must understand what the other is looking for–yes, your people get to ask something of you–and the policies in place to foster accountability. Starting this way facilitates communication further down the line and helps the dreaded “unspoken rule” from destroying your endeavor from the inside.

If these expectations are unmet, there must be agreed-upon steps acknowledge the fact and correct it.

Invite discussion
To be truly excellent, every member of your group must have an emotional drive for hitting the target beyond just earning a paycheck. Set the goal in front of everyone and provide minimal parameters (deadlines for goals and micro-goals, customer wants, etc.), then pose a simple question:

“What ideas do you have for making this happen?”

There is colossal psychic value in making contribution to a problem’s larger solution and engaging the creativity of your crew in this way is a major deposit in their “energy bank” for times when the challenge seems most daunting.

Encourage openly, criticize privately
This is a paraphrase of a famous quote by the Russian tsarina Catherine II. Making public statements of gratitude is a phenomenal way to lift the esprit de corps, whether talking to one or all.

More importantly, “blame quietly” by taking your thoughts directly and respectfully to the individual in question. Commenting behind the person’s back undermines your credibility between the ears of those listening. Even in the case of shared sentiments, somewhere the brain will hear your words and wonder: “What’s being said about me when I’m not around?”

Trust
The idea is to give each individual the proper amount of freedom to do their best work. Encouraging them to be self-sufficient–prodding them only as required–develops the confidence for taking charge in other situations as each person is disseminated across the organization (or to other companies) as a result of your collective achievement.

Share credit, accept blame
Put your ego aside. During setbacks you must shoulder the burden alone and without excuses. The people you report to think it’s all your fault anyway. Here’s a shock: they’re right. Like it or not, your decisions are at the root of the results. Sometimes you’ll bite off more than can be chewed and others you’ll distribute the workload in a way that’s less than optimal considering your staff’s talents. (There will always be superstars and stragglers, divide accordingly.) Perfecting this chemistry is the cornerstone of being in charge.

By contrast, when things go well, make sure the praising party speaks to everyone, if possible. The effort involved many hours by several people. Let them bask in the glory, too, and they’ll work even harder for you next time.

There is a very basic truth I’ve seen many places: “In order to lead, you must get behind your people.” Investing the effort in elevating them will make you look–and feel–better. Empower them to squeeze the best out of themselves and reach heights beyond their own imaginations spreads the legacy of your stewardship into the world forever.

What are you doing to churn out more leaders?

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