The Fatigue Soliloquy

Fatigue can be wonderful and terrible.

It is just as soon welcomed as shunned, the measure of disgust it generates during the last mile (when much is left to do) is matched only by the reception it receives after crossing the finish line (when the work is completed). In one moment, it shifts dramatically from scheming villain to celebrated friend.

Weariness is the fee for your waking hours.

At the end of the day, your mind is tired and your body is heavy, having written a check for the task you’ve completed. The nature of your activity–and your valuation of it–colors the determination of whether it was time well spent.

I often struggle to keep my eyes open during the evening.

Passing several hours in the service of two masters, I sit down to take stock of what I’ve accomplished. The sun has long since set and “today” is bleeding into “tomorrow” when I am finally able have some quiet and sum up my time.

I dedicate too little of my life to myself.

Only recently have I begun shoehorning a run into my day. Without a few miles of meditation, I find myself disjointed and disconnected. I get about 90 minutes–near midnight, when I’m half asleep–to write for myself and you, my reader.

In all honesty, these are the two most important hours of my day.

This is when I’m able to brush aside the confusion and frustration to express something meaningful–if only to myself. It is the prism through which I’m able to look at the positives and share lessons, to poke around for insight beneficial to me and my audience.

To be effective, the window must be transparent.

Throughout my time publishing on this site and its predecessors, I have concerned myself with many things, not the least of which is how to be valuable to you and the growing number of people who stop by.

What can I do to shorten your learning curve?

How can I give you courage for the moment when everything heads in a different direction than you anticipated?

I have to let you in further.

And that’s what I intend to do. Over the coming weeks and months, I will continue to write essays about how I see the world and the connections my mind makes between seemingly disparate phenomena and the nature of our lives and purpose as human beings.

The last fifteen months have been the most tremendous learning experience I could have asked for. I’ve come to understand much about what brought me to the point I am at, the experiences that shape my motivation and the decisions that reflect it.

I want you to see what it takes.

I want you to understand the amount of work it requires.

I want you to know the drain it is on your mind and body and soul.

Because when your turn comes, I want you to fight through the fatigue and keep going.

ALSO IN THIS SERIES

The Fear Soliloquy

The Failure Soliloquy

The Focus Soliloquy

The Faith Soliloquy

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