Evaluating the past leads to stark conclusions.

Over the last several months, I’ve come face-to-face with a compendium of my faults. I’ve looked through everything I can remember, it seems, and picked out why it happened.  In most places, I can trace the results backward to a handful of precipitating experiences, times when a fear burned deep into my brain and kept me on the ledge when I might have jumped.

As a result, I’ve strung together a bunch of half-assed movements.

I’ve gone through the motions more than I thought. Mired in doubt, I did what I felt I was “supposed to” most of the time. I dragged myself through thirty-plus years afraid to take on much beyond exactly what I was sure I could accomplish.

The sad part is, I keep grieving lost opportunities.

Even as I stretch in new directions and grow minute by minute, I hear a nagging voice in the back of my head admonishing me for wasting time. Some part of me knew I had to change direction and I stayed the same course, a fact which I’m letting go of–slowly.

I’ve made an effort to attack each day differently, to spend less time pondering and more time acting, in some cases. In others, I’ve begun thinking instead of just tossing about weightless phrases.

More than anything, I decided to accept small steps and tell more people I love them.

Basically, I’m starting to live.


Grieve to Gain

The Truth is Undeniable

The Friends of Change


2 Responses to “Movements”

  1. 1 jaime poore September 20, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    The past is just that we cannot linger on past mistakes. We have to learn from those mistakes and be better because of them.I had a wise instructor a few months ago, he told me that one failed test would not ruin me that it was about what I did now. Have you learned from those mistakes? If so, then cut them loose and live your life in the “now”.

    • 2 Jason Eichacker September 20, 2010 at 5:37 pm

      Absolutely, Jaime. The big key for any of us is letting go of the tendency to forget the value in those downturns. That’s the difference between using them or letting the memory abuse you.

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